I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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