Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
