I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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