My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
