I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
farters have to be the big spoon...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
