Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
