We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
