An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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