I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
