dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
