apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
