Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
