I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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