First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
