I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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