I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
