Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
