Sponge bath it is.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
