I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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