Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
