Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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