yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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