Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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