After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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