i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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