Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
