clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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