I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
