I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
