the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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