Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize