I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
