i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
