so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
