What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
