So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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