I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
