u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
