having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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