if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I deserve to be covered in dicks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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