dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
