Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
