my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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