'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
