I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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