Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
