God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
