Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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