I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
