I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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