he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
