I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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