the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
