Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
