so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
