just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
