dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
