I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
