That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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