i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
