I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
