I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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