Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
