trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize