he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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