I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
