I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
